


A Fated Pizza

by Maurey



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Author likes to think they have a sense of humour, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, M/M, POV Tom Riddle, POV Voldemort, Sane!Voldemort, Voldemort monologues a lot, but then Voldemort happened, general silliness, he monologues in his mind too, this was meant to be a oneshot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 16:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13551087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maurey/pseuds/Maurey
Summary: A series of ludicrous and seemingly impossible events come together on Samhain night in 1981, involving pizza, babysitting, and the (mostly) accidental death of a teenager.  If he had known a single ‘favour’ would lead to a peaceful reformation of the Wizarding World, and, oddly enough, romance, well — he might have made the same decision, anyway. Still bemused by it all decades later, Marvolo allows himself the morn of his birthday each year to reminisce.





	A Fated Pizza

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Wynne, Vitya, Awex, Fishy, kim-ky, and all the other lovelies in the TMaM Discord — you know who you are. Thank you for inspiring me, and listening to all my bitching owo/ I appreciate all the assistance <3 Big thanks to my syna Vitya @TheLastNero for the beta <3 Go check out The Emerald Connection, his longfic that I happen to edit. Harry Potter and the Fuck Boy Dark Lord is a must-read, as well. All of the crack — join the madness <3
> 
> This fic was originally meant to be a 3 to 5k oneshot, but now it's likely to be around twice that, because Marvolo just _loves_ to monologue, even if only in his head. This opening passage was initially meant to be a paragraph or two long, but I just decided to go with the flow. This is crack taken way too seriously, meaning ridiculous things are happening, but characters have... realistic? reactions to them. Currently estimating this fic to be 4 or 5 chapters long, but we'll see what happens.

**Northern England, Slytherin Manor, 31** ** st ** **December 2031**

 

The cusp of the approaching year’s end was, as typical for the location, a cold, snow-heavy, and rather barren affair. The windows along the far wall of the surprisingly cosy living area provided little light, so it was only really illuminated by the softly crackling flame within the fireplace. While the snowy, grey landscape was a far cry from the both inherently and visually magical atmosphere of the Arctic Circle in northern Siberia, with its dancing lights, there was still something special about the landscape. There was an air of anticipation, subtle licks of magic from the recently passed Yuletide that screamed of home and comfort. Like nowhere else, it communicated a strange sense of serene safety and peace for those born and raised on the British Isle. Nowhere had quite been able to really compare to him, no matter how much more magical or inherently aesthetically pleasing, as it never quite sang as sweetly as the lands of home. Marvolo sighed, a wry twist to his lips as he intently gazed into the flickering fire. The room around him, beyond the curtains, and its inherent sense of _home_ , was done in tasteful tones of earthy cream and brown, accented with green. It had long since stopped feeling cold and impersonal — his dearest had long remedied the clinically clean sense the old manor had once given off.

The time of year, especially the morn of his birth so very many years ago, always made him oddly introspective, nostalgic, and, dare he even contemplate it, sentimental. It was the one time a year he allowed himself to really do so, without forcibly pulling himself out of such a borderline-useless stupor. He would indulge in memory as his beloved’s, his Harry’s, mind was warm in the back of his own. The typically taciturn man was unable to hide a gentle smile as he thought of it, of the level of intimacy it permitted them. He allowed himself to briefly indulge; reaching out towards the warmth of their connection, he felt the soft silky shimmer of surface emotions gently brushing through his own, welcoming.

 

They had a somewhat established routine for the eve of the New Year. While Harry would work on finalising some special arrangements he insisted on every year, Marvolo would indulge in reminiscing of the past, and the insane, unprecedented, simply ridiculous events that led up to this — their current — life. He, once again, found himself wondering whether Fate was bored out of her mind, drunk, or simply long-insane when the event was set in stone. Much as he liked to consider himself the master of his own fate and magic, there came a point, even for him, in which he’d had to concede that the events that had occurred that fateful night were infinitesimally unlikely without the intervention of some mischievous goddess. In fact, the both of them had spent over a decade researching the phenomena involved with what had happened back then. All the evidence, all the findings they had managed to collate, pointed to it being impossible, to it going against another, later discovery, or something more innate within magical or soul theory. Despite how it still irked him, Marvolo couldn’t come up with any other reasonable or feasible explanation that they’d yet to consider; he refused to even contemplate that his and Harry’s minds weren’t bright enough to come to a correct, valid conclusion that was less insane than that of a meddling Fate. He had lost count of how may times they had ended up discovering a potential answer, only to have to throw it out, days later, due to it proving invalid.

 

Whatever the case might have actually been, Marvolo supposed that Sod’s Law had been long overdue to mess with his long-term plans in some facet, back in the later years of the previous century. Much as he generally detested the use of such Muggle axioms, he couldn’t really deny its accuracy, and had been referencing it to some form in the mostly private haven of his mind for years. Of all the things that went wrong in his years of ‘Dark Lording’, however, he would never feel truly remorseful for the mess that occurred to him — to them — back in the year of 1981, no matter how insane and … _trying_ those times had been. To think, something as benign and plebeian as a pizza delivery had started off the entire insane chain of events that led to the (nearly) peaceful, (mostly) political reformation of the British Wizarding World, with someone special at his side. Someone _special_ to him, and not just simply a useful tool, or even a right-hand man who could be replaced… No… Harry was someone irreplaceable, and he grimaced slightly even as he allowed the particularly sodden, sappy thought to cross his mind.

 

Marvolo shook his head slightly, and he reached over to pour himself a cup of tea. He sweetened it with an absent flick of his wrist — a poor habit he’d long picked up from Harry that he’d never really had in himself to break. He took a sip with a soft hum, turning his eyes back to the hypnotic dance of the crackling flames. The soft heat pleasantly licked at his skin, so alike, yet so different to the curious flicks of Nagini’s tongue. The sound of approaching hissing caused the man to tilt his head, his neatly arranged curls slipping over an elegantly raised eyebrow. Think of the devil, and she shall appear, he mused, the smirk freezing on his face as he noticed the fluffy, soft tube..? sock..? (A sweater, knowing his Harry, he supposed. He would later snort upon finding out the creation was dubbed a ‘sneater’.) the 'menacing' large snake, his familiar, currently wore. In Hufflepuff colours, no less. Marvolo was unable to suppress a chuckle at that — he supposed it was fitting, considering the snake was irrevocably loyal to both himself and his spouse, even if said loyalty was exclusive to them, and them only. 

§Hello, my dear. Have you come to keep me company? Is dearessst too busy to pay you your due attention?§ he teased with a smirk as she slowly made her way over to him, her tongue tasting the air as she settled down into the warmth of his lap. 

§Greetingsss, Marvolo. No, he just sssent me to keep you some company with your yearly musings. Said usss being together for this time on your hatchday every year is becoming sssomewhat of a tradition, and I am inclined to agree§, she hissed with a sassy incline of her head. Wiggling in sight discomfort, she butted her human softly in the hand with her head, demanding soothing scratches, as she was getting uncomfortably close to a shed.

 

§I suppose it is, isn't it...§ Marvolo replied in an almost off-handed fashion, absently running his fingers over her lightly textured matrix of scales. He shook his head softly, running his other hand over the borderline obnoxiously-coloured striped sock his familiar wore, still somewhat bemused by it. The familiar, repetitive action of stroking down Nagini's patterned neck quickly chased off such thoughts and musings, however, and his mind resumed its wanderings down its former path. It reached out towards the entrenched bizarreness of his past, the content hissing of his familiar and the continued crackling and comforting scent of the fire acting as calming white noise to his senses.

From the very beginning, that night had set somewhat of a precedent for him. For that reason alone, he supposed in retrospect, he should have expected something to happen. He was babysitting. _Him_. Marvolo Slytherin. _Lord Voldemort_. **_Babysitting_**. Granted, he had willingly undertaken the duty, mostly for his own purposes, but he had never been one for children. Events kick-started by offering to take care of Hadrian Eileen Prince for an evening would come to change his life in momentous ways, he just didn’t know it yet. He would also come to be told off by two incensed adults for the first time in over a decade, both young enough to be his children, one of whom was a true loyal of his. 

 

_Life… fate… they are truly strange._

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you waiting on updates of the translation of 'The Last of the Gaunts', they will come — I promise I haven't abandoned the project! I've just been preoccupied with irl things, as well as my own fics. I'm intending to have a chapter out this month, maybe 2, but making no promises on the latter, haha.
> 
> You can follow me on tumblr at [Mau-demort](http://mau-demort.tumblr.com), I largely reblog HP/Tomarrymort related things.


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